Ugh, A Bag of Facebook: How to be a functional addict... A Guide.

It could be the most recent deadly pandemic harrasing society... Or it may be the an existential revelation and most marvelous life tool, depending on who you ask. The choice is up to the individual. If you believe it to be the latter of the two, congratulations, otherwise you’re using it wrong. Think of Facebook like a chainsaw. If you need to clear the road after an earthquake or hurricane, that chainsaw is your saving grace. If you run into a psychotic chainsaw wielding mass murderer, well…run. It’s all about the user and their point of view. There are a couple of steps and/or strategies to make Facebook work for you, but first, ignore other people’s opinions and see for yourself. Let’s get to some strategies we can deploy.

Avoid the news feed.


There aren’t regulations strict enough on the platform to make it a reliable news source, take the election fiasco for example. Instead, use a real and professional news outlet with real journalist. As a regular Joe, or Joanne… Find groups and hang out with people discussing topics you enjoy and where you can actually learn or be entertained meaningfully. Groups have their own news feed and are usually moderated. Your default news feed only shows a small fraction of what your friends post anyways. In regards to what a “friend” is, we’ll get to that later.

The writing is on the wall... like, literally.


When you want to learn about a person, go to their profile. That is where they keep the good stuff. Those short meaningless posts tend to get erased later as we clean our walls. People leave what they believe represents them, their opinions, and their adventures on their personal wall.


Fake it 'til you make it.



When I meet someone, and I know most people admire or like them, I know that they have a full life and carry joy with them. Ergo, we are automatically different around them. We are automatically and subconsciously going to make sure to get to their level, not in a jealous or petty way, rather to feel bonded and valuable. We will be a happier more wholesome person in their company if that is what they display on their persona. This is a common situation and it is the reason there are people whose call you pick up more often than others. No one is doing this on purpose, we are evolved this way to maintain a social order and level of contentment that humans need to overcome the strenuous life we all must live.


Keep it positive.


“Everyone only posts good fun things about themselves, don’t trust their profiles they are not that great” What the hell do they expect. I got a bill from the IRS today and my left shoe has a rock in it that I can't get out and my great aunt has lymphoma... I log on Facebook am I going to post a picture of the party this Saturday or me strangling the elderly in an elevator then crying?

The answer is obvious and who can blame me. I want to share the good things because that is what I want to see when I turn my phone or computer on.

And guess what? I want to put out a positive impression of me because I want to attract those who will force me to live up to it.

Post goals and success, leave trials and tribulations in therapy.


I am a big believer of the Law of Attraction which is a whole topic onto itself but I suggest everyone read the book “the secret”

Ever notice that when something bad happens to you in the morning, you step in a puddle and sprain your ankle… then for some reason the rest of the day is a series of ill-wanted and inconvenient events. You are late to work, you forgot your lunch and it turns out the AC in the building isn’t working but its okay because you have a meeting in an… nope, your car wont start…


This is the law of attraction, it’s not magic!


You are just subconsciously acting in a negative way and people around you are picking it up and you are leaving a trail of clumsiness, forgetfulness and bad luck. Your car didn’t stop working coincidentally that day, you were angry and didn’t notice you drove especially aggressive and accelerated harder than usual and that put the carburetor in stress and its al because of the puddle… you just didn’t notice.

Students of the law of attraction make what are called dream-boards where you paste all the things you want in life on a board… no matter how inconceivable the dream is, but by seeing this board every day and putting your mind in that place, things fall into place around you just as things fell out of place because of the puddle.

Facebook Profile and Wall are that dream board. Fill it with the best parts of your life and the best things you want out of it.

No you are not being “fake” or deceitful… You are being positive. Fake it till you make it.

Don't be scared to "collect friends."


I get it you don’t really know them but friends is just semantics… you’re making a network… If you think friends actually means friends… You’re doing it wrong. Your true friends you probably see often, here is the place for acquaintances, serendipity and possibilities. Opportunities can't knock on your door if you only have windows… with bars…

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